Thursday, May 31, 2012

The City By The Gay


Just for the record, when I first moved to New York City, I was hired at a company that worked on the redevelopment strategy turning The Nashville Network into Spike TV. And in between, it was our beautiful missing link The National Network (aka The New TNN). And there, I toiled away writing hilarious puns about Pamela Anderson on Baywatch (“Double Vision”) and Star Trek: The Next Generation (“Set Your Phasers On Fun”) that populated the website. So I would like to take credit for the current passion for puns in everything from The Daily Show to Morning Joe, even though a pun is truly the lowest form of comedy. So don’t think for a minute that my pun headlines are a riff on current popular culture. I am just reusing bits I did eleven years ago. And they were no fresher then than they are now, my friend.

On the subject of the good old days, my ex-boyfriend Curtis is in town. Years and years and years ago, I spied him across Revolver and bravely gave him my number as he was leaving and then he didn’t call. For three years. But eventually he was moving a desk and found my number which had fallen behind it and finally picked up the phone. As it happens, the number I gave him was for my friend Paul's apartment where I had been staying temporarily at that time and purely by happenstance was back there, sitting waiting for Paul to get out of the shower, the night Curtis deigned to call me back and I happened to answer the phone. Please note: if I am close friends with someone, I will wash their dishes if bored, answer their phone when they are in the shower, or sort through their mail even if they are standing right there, so if you value your privacy or personal space, it is probably not a good idea to be my close friend.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

South By Key West

This past week, I took a much needed vacation. I know that everyone thinks my job is so easy because all I do is sit on my duff, tossing out olde tyme phrases, making references to old movies and TV shows that only I remember, and hanging up on strangers like Ernestine.

How Listeners Imagine Me At Work
But there is more to my job. First of all, you try being interesting for four solid hours. As I have proven repeatedly, that is impossible. Plus, how would you feel if every day you went to work and random strangers came up to you and called you fat or ugly or untalented and then you had to turn around and try to be hilarious? No wonder I need a Bloody Mary for breakfast. And so off to Key West I went.