The Two Night Show

Well if you were wondering if it is summer in New York yet. It’s fucking summer. After struggling last weekend to resist the urge to turn the heat back on after the nighttime temperature plunged back down into the 40s, this week has been a parallel struggle to not install the air conditioners. It has been 90 degrees every day for the last three days and now we are supposed to be grateful that this horrible storm from the Midwest (that dropped enough twisters to get Dorothy a dozen round trips between Kansas and OZ) will be the thing that breaks the hot and humid spell that has fallen over the city.

But I can’t complain about the heat (even though that is exactly what this sounds like) because our winter was so arduously long this year that anything, even 90 degree highs, are an improvement. I was commiserating tonight with another New Yorker at a party about the temperature swing but more importantly, the long winter that made everyone I know question our decision to live in this urine soaked wonderland.

All's Well That Cazwell

It was just one of those nights, where you know you won't have any control over what happens so you just have to give yourself over to the run-on sentences that will be. This feeling about tonight has been building up inside me for weeks now. Too many people in town for the holidays, an underwear model showing off in the studio, a certain crispness in the autumn air. So, I let myself not be my usual type-A nut job about the whole thing and I turned myself over to the adventure at hand. This is that story.

Things began barreling out of control even before the show during dinner with Andrew, his boyfriend Joey and Andrew’s brother and sister-in-law. During our polite meat orgy at HB Burgers, sister-in-law suddenly decided that I was the perfect set-up for her gay friend. For you straight women out there, this is our worst gay nightmare. The words "He's so nice, he's so handsome" just mean "He's so fucked up, he has so many problems" to us. You can't understand why he is single because he is hilarious at the office and wears adorable bow ties. We know he is single because he has a serious meth habit or he hasn't finished building out his basement dungeon yet.