My friend Danny Dias sent me a message last week saying he was bartending now at a new club night called "The Skinny." I assume the name is a reference to the old colloquial expression more than the weight of the intended patrons, but when I finally dropped by tonight, "The Skimpy" might be a more apt title. Having already experienced seeing some friends naked in porn (always surprising, no matter how many times THAT happens), you would think I would take seeing one of them in their underwear in stride. But there was Danny in all his adorable buffness, stripped down to a tiny pair of black briefs, a scene I was not expecting.
I had only planned to stay for a half hour max. Yesterday I was on death's door with a nasty cold, but this afternoon when I woke up, I was already feeling one thousand times better. Still, you shouldn't rush these things. So in the spirit of taking things easy and not causing the kind of relapse that might ruin my weekend, I endeavored to turn the evening into a quick post-work "hello" before driving back upstate to my nice warm flannel sheets. Besides, Matt Kugelman had said he would be bringing his skinny self to "The Skinny" too, so I could see both of them in short order and still watch Survivor and maybe even 30 Rock before bed.
Matt decided to hit Barrage first before storming "The Skinny" so I thought I might miss him altogether. The bar was somewhat deserted when I arrived, so I did my level best to keep Danny company while trying not to keep him so distracted that he missed what few tips might come his way. When you are friends with a bartender, it is always best to know when to slip quietly away from the bar for a bit so they can work and actually make some money. At the same time, I was anxious to catch up since we haven't seen each other in months and we have had a lot to talk about since then.
The bar started to fill a bit and then just as I was about to walk out, Matt Kugelman stumbled in. Suddenly, it was like playing Mystery Date and opening the door and finding the hunky beach date waiting for you. As Meryn Cadell so aptly sang in The Sweater, "You're looking for the boy of your dreams, who is the same boy in the dreams of all of your friends." That is Matt Kugelman. I can't wait to have him make an appearance at my Cinco de Mayo party just so I can watch all my single gay friends fight and fume and scowl over him all night.
I will admit that I didn't know Matt all that well before tonight. He is someone I run into a lot about town and he is always a lot of fun, not to mention easy on the eyes. And he laughs at my jokes and appreciates my obnoxious posts on his Facebook page and assorted photos. He has such a relaxed demeanor, though I admit some of that might have been brought on by the enormous amount of alcohol he had consumed. In retrospect, I don't know that I have ever seen him sober. He confided that he used to play dumb in high school so that he could get tutor time after school as a means to escape swim practice. And apparently his paint wasn't mixed properly but you will have to get him drunk on your own to see that part for yourself.
He was surrounded by a bunch of his friends, some I had met before (Chip) and others I had not. A few of them had recently joined the swelling ranks of the unemployed so he was taking them out for drinks. One of them, a confident blond 21 year old proudly drank a glass of straight vodka in front of us like water. "He'll be dead in a year," I offered. Two hours later, he was sitting nearby in a pale stupor, an untouched vodka cranberry resting in his crotch. On my way out for the evening, I fixed the collar of his shirt, which had become askew. He didn't seem to notice or care. "Maybe six months." I thought.
For a fleeting moment, I saw Ryan Raz, who had apparently been there for more than an hour, but I caught him as he was running out. We just had dinner on Tuesday night after the show at our usual hangout Vynl, but it is always nice to see him again. Having already gotten the skinny on Danny and on Matt, I realized too that it was time to head home. Danny was busy at the bar dealing with a variety of drunken characters. Matt was consoling his friends and trying to convince Danny to toss cherries into his mouth. My work here was done. I swung through McDonald's on my way to the parking garage for a nice ten piece McNugget meal to go. Granted, a meal like that won't get me to skinny personally, but I had already had my fill of skinny for one night.
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