Romaine and I accepted a GLAAD Award on Saturday night but you would never know it from the media coverage of the event, especially the coverage from gay media. For years, we have all railed against GLAAD for tripping over themselves to lavish attention and praise on whatever straight celebrity was willing to show up at their event to get an award (Jennifer Aniston... a nice lady and all, but really?!) while ignoring worthy efforts done by LGBT people everywhere. Since then, GLAAD has made huge strides in correcting this, while gay media has continued to lag behind in the coverage of gay people. Well, gay people who haven't been anointed by mainstream media. After six years of broadcast our show is good enough for TIME Magazine and The Washington Post to praise but I guess that doesn't reach the tipping point to make us worthy of even a short blurb in The Advocate.
The world may see the gay community as a trend setter but in gay media, it is all follow-the-leader. The gay people profiled and pushed in our own media get there because attention was paid to them first in "straight" media. Everyone politely forgets the real damage Clay Aiken did to the gay community for years before coming out on the cover of People Magazine in 2008, and as I predicted on my radio show last year, he was front and center at the GLAAD Awards just a few scant months later, with the gay press on the red carpet scrambling to get a sound byte. Two years ago, the Claymates tried to get a personal friend of mine fired from his job, assaulting the head of his company with weeks of angry phone calls and emails for daring to tell the truth about Clay's unseemly internet advances. But Clay is famous! So let bygones be bygones.
Our award was a Special Recognition, one of only four given out on Saturday night (Suze Orman, Tyra Banks, Phil Donahue and us), for a radio special we did called "The Laramie Project Ten Years Later: The Lasting Legacy Of Matthew Shepard." Yes, I am certain a documentary about the most produced play in America's colleges and high schools does sound more dry than Tyra giving free sex reassignment surgery to Isis on her daytime talk show, but real people in this country face down the threat and danger of hate crimes every single day. And while the bodies stack up like cord wood from California to the Carolinas, gay media ignores what is happening until it is too late. The passage of Prop 8 was a hate crime, don't kid yourself. And Keith Olbermann himself admitted that he should have done his Special Comment before the vote instead of after, which he acknowledged in front of the teary-eyed crowd at the Marriott Marquis as he accepted his GLAAD Award for his brave closing of the barn door after the horse was gone (wither Rachel Maddow).
The work to fight hate in this country continues every single day. Judy Shepard is still travelling around the world getting the word out. Our award was an opportunity for the gay community to highlight the real work being done out there to help prevent the next Lawrence King or Ryan Skipper. Maybe even promote the free download of the special now at SiriusOutQ.com where donations are being solicited for the Matthew Shepard Foundation so that they can continue to fund their good work even as the spotlight has faded. And in the week after George Weber was murdered right here in NYC, one of the websites we helped promote at launch, cut us from the piece written about the GLAAD Awards. A teacher in Oklahoma was just fired for doing scenes from The Laramie Project at her school, but AfterElton.com didn't want to interview us on the red carpet. I guess we weren't as topical and timely as the genuinely lovely Phil Donahue whose show went off the air quietly 13 years ago. After waiting to be interviewed by the AfterElton.com reporter, we were told he was gone, having to leave early. Except that I saw him and his ugly purple vest upstairs in the media viewing area later during the show. So even though we host a radio show available to 19 million subscribers across North America in numbers that swamp nearly all the rest of gay media, we'll spend another year in gay media purgatory not on the OUT 100 list and other cherry-picked personal vendettas in print form while not-out gay celebrities walk the red carpet at GLAAD with immunity and present awards, getting free passes from gay media because they are really funny on that ABC show of theirs even if their personal life is just too personal to discuss.
Everyone wanted to Join The Impact after Prop 8 passed in California but why were some people so slow to act beforehand? Why did it take Brad Pitt putting his money where his mouth was before Ellen DeGeneres? I guess some people don't feel it is important to do anything until it is already too late. After all, crying over spilled milk is always better television than making sure the milk doesn't spill in the first place. Last weekend, while sitting in the SIRIUS XM booth at Pride South Florida some gay walked by and tossed an unwanted folded-over flyer onto our table as he passed by. I took his thoughtlessly discarded trash and threw it right back at him, much to the horror of another gay man walking by who couldn't believe how rude I was. As far as I am concerned, there are two kinds of gay people in this world: those who just accept the trash thrown at them and do nothing and those who take the trash and throw it right back. Well, I am the second kind of gay. Here is your trash back gay media. Shove it up your ass.
36 comments:
You're a bitter litte man throwing poisonous knives at everyone in sight. GLAAD is about anti-defamation which you certainly don't embody. Can they please take back your award?
Congratulations to you and Romaine on your GLAAD award and much deserved recognition! Your "rant" on your show this evening, congruent with this blog posting, has been fantastic! Thank you for calling out those celebrities who could be making a difference being who they are, yet they refuse to do it. That contributes to the "defamation" of the GLBT community! You and Romaine are killing it on the show tonight...hopefully this will be the weekly episode repeated on the weekend for even more to hear. Keep up the great work!
I agree with everything you said right there.
Derek,
What can a person say? I am very angry at the "Gay Elite" in this country, with a finger pointing at the previous comment. Last time I checked, DNR was about anti-defamation, but I sincerely believe that you should out those people who go to the GLAAD awards and get a free pass if this is the type of perversion they want to push.
Of course, if you believe it is slanderous or libelous, we then have to find a person who doesn't care, who can out them with the words " Allegedly" plastered to and fro-
You know, it doesn't take much more than $100, a google AD SENSE account, and an individual without any connections to these people's world, and suddenly the public is totally aware of what is going on.
You know,I would think that your previous experience as editor / writer of a now-nearly defunct gay rag, might have put you in the category of "not in our clique."
I'm tired of the gay elitest...I'm tired of the "Lick Madonna's cooter" crowd and the oh-so-fabulous "we love him/her because she is sooooo sexy" bullshit.
Oh and how about the, " Such a hero because they came out after allllll these years! "
Yay...
This is a terrific rant, and I'm really glad you're making this point. If queer media doesn't reflect the interest of actual queers, then actual queers are pretty much fucked.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Derek-
I could not agree with you more. GREAT BLOG!!!
I hope you are doing well.
Two years ago, the Claymates tried to get a personal friend of mine fired from his job, assaulting the head of his company with weeks of angry phone calls and emails for daring to tell the truth about Clay's unseemly internet advances. But Clay is famous! So let bygones be bygones.
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There is only one person who has given out his own name publicly as having any sexual involvement with Clay Aiken and that was over three years ago. How would the Claymates know your friend's name? No one has come forward for them to 'attack.'
Congratulations on your award Chexxy's Diaper
John Paulus says he is the friend you are referring to in your blog? Is that true? John outed Clay over THREE years ago so I'm confused.
Wow, so sorry you didn't get the attention you so obviously believe you deserve. The rest of us are content to do charitable, relevant work without sounding the trumpets to let the world know that we're such unbelievably great, noble, generous people. There is such a thing as doing good for good's sake. I know hundreds of people who deserve to be noticed by GLAAD & never will be & they would never think to whine about it. You have an award, amongst quite distinguished honorees, & you're still complaining. Get a clue, please.
Derek is right to bitch. Romaine was part of an important event in gay history, and their show is another step towards "legitimisation". We will never move forward and get full rights without people like DNR. Take the award,do your show, and keep everyone aware. The mags OUT and The Advocate are a dying source of news, and gay culture. As long as the GLBT community continues self hatred by congratulating people that aren't, ie, Tyra, Donahue, and the likes and turning backs on the true PIONEERS and FRONT RUNNERS in the fight for LGBT rights, DNR & OutQ, GLBT will always be a marginalized community. Sorry if people don't want to hear the truth. GO Derek & Romaine...we love you and your show. You are the real voice of the LGBT community, and we appreciate you letting us voice our opinions on your show.
agreed
Let's hope your personal friend isn't that pig Paulus. He may yet get his restraining order. If this ever goes to court, they've got enough info on his past to sink his battleship.
While we did have John Paulus on the show three years ago and the Claymates came down on him very hard for it, he is not the friend in question listed here. My friend wrote about it in his personal blog and when the Claymates got wind of it, they harassed his employer for weeks in an attempt to get him fired.
No idea what you're talking about then, Derek, and Paulus was so sure it was him. His ego has no limit.
Derek, you and Romaine put on a very good quality show and get almost zero recognition from anybody in the gay press at any time. Sadly, your getting this award just proves the point with no mentions -- not even in your friend Andy's blog that I read faithfully. I haven't been able to listen to the show for the past week, so if I hadn't read this piece, I never would have known you had gotten the award.
Congratulations and keep up what you guys do best!
Derek, please don't judge all "Claymates" by the actions of a few. Many of us are kind accepting people who have never harassed anyone.
Amen and amen. I'm sending a letter to The Advocate.
I personally think that some gays are smart to remain in the closet. When I read comments from gays whining because a gay was just so darn slow about coming out and how dare this individual be recognized by GLBT - then you understand better their apprehensiion about coming out at all!! You will be damned if you do and damned if you don't. Where is this rule book 101 for gays anyway? Who gets to decide for someone else what they should and should not do. I noticed your comments about Clay Aiken in particular. What has the guy done to hurt you or the GLBT? From everything I read he just seems to be a very private guy who has lived his adult life doing for others without expecting thanks, and I doubt that he has ever purposly hurt anyone in his life. He has probably been harder hit by gossip more than most gays due to a blabber mouthed kiss and tell gay who wanted attention, and still follows every move Clay Aiken makes. I use to think it was just homophobics that were vultures, but have since learned that gays are avultures too and will eat their own in a heartbeat!!
Anonymous, I have to say you are dead wrong about celebrities staying in the closet. It hurts everyone. I get that you are a person in the closet who feels they can't come out so you want to defend celebrities who do the same to solidify your own position. But I am sorry, it makes a difference when celebrities come out because people are less likely to hate gay people if they know a gay person. And the notion that a career will be destroyed by coming out in a tired old story that just isn't true anymore. Elton John, Melissa Etheridge, k.d. lang, Ellen DeGeneres, even more recent actors like Neil Patrick Harris have seen their careers BOOSTED not destroyed by coming out. That isn't to say it is an easy decision, it is just the right one. And yes Clay Aiken did hurt the gay community, more than most, by not coming out. He knew how rabid a fringe element of his fan base was and he knew how aggressive they were toward anyone who was critical of him and to protect himself, he sat back and did nothing to stop them. People don't know the friend I refer to here because he didn't push his story all over the press. He was just an ordinary person who got caught up in the madness. Getting to see the fall out first hand, I can tell you that what happened was wrong and should never happen again. And certainly doesn't deserve a free pass or lack of discussion in the gay press. Sorry, all is not forgiven. And if you are a gay celebrity and you want to hide in the closet, don't go to the GLAAD Awards. It's a slap in the face to the openly gay people who put themselves on the line and fight the fight every day while you reap the rewards and do nothing to help. For me, that is the worst kind of coward. Those who hide in plain sight because they know no one will say anything.
I think the blogger has every right to his opinion.
What I find hysterical is how John Paulus shows up everywhere Clay's name is mentioned. He wants to be left alone yet he continues to make himself part of anything having to do with Clay.
Clay Aiken never has said one bad thing about anyone, anywhere---EVER
He takes all the crap thrown at him like a man. I don't understand your rant. Aiken didn't do any thing to your friend. He can't stop people for spreading hate, just like I can't stop you for speading HATE.
Derek, do you think you could whine a little more? You come across as a really unpleasant person. No wonder so many people you think should spend time listening to you don't want to spend time listening to you. Unfortunately, you hurt, not help, your cause.
I, for one, would fault no one for not coming out as every one's situation is different. I work, as do you and Romaine to eliminate the obstacles that prevent them from coming out.
That being said, GLAADs notion of what is award-worthy frequently baffles me. As you point out, they appear to be slavishly dedicated to the superficial. (And I write from Los Angeles, where once we made Paris Hilton the grand marshall of our Pride Parade. The justification for that eluded me then and still does. Paris Hilton. I ask you.)
One of the anonymous comments seemed to think that you were cross about the lack of attention you received, but I didn't hear that: you are unhappy about the lack of attention the causes you espouse (such as Judy Shepherd) which are the real issue.
I noted a comment over on Bilerico that really made me twitch: a reporter who points out that Clay Aiken, good or bad, is news. So he had /no choice/ but to interview Clay Aiken instead of you. That attitude, to me, is initially appalling, but after a moment's reflection I think that divides the discussion into two distinct and unrelated areas: the job of celebrity reporting and equal rights activism. While it doesn't necessarily make the reporter or GLAAD "part of the problem," it clearly puts them in the first trivial category, while you and Romaine are operating in the second.
I still don't understand Anonymous' comment...
Ryan Seacrest... You're a homo. We all know it...
Signed,
Dunwoody.
I know Clay personally & know what he went through in his decision to come out to his extremely conservative family, old friends & a segment of his fans. He had to do all this with the eyes of the public prying into the most intimate details of his personal life (thanks to blowhards like you), whether true or not. I don't believe I've ever seen a celebrity so underserving of such a public virtual rape. If we cannot have compassion for the process all of us need to go through in order to come out, then we have no right to expect anyone else to have compassion for what we all have to endure in this still very homophobic country. Clay is the first male artist with a predominantly female fanbase to come out, especially in the early years of his career. Clay is also the first mainstream entertainer who self-identifies as Christian to come out. Clay is also the first single dad celeb to come out. All these things make him worthy of respect, not to mention all the work he continues to do for the disadvantaged children of the world, something he was doing long before he became famous. And as someone above pointed out, he does it all while taking hits from all sides, even his own peers, community & some fans, without ever striking back. You could take a lesson in humility.
"So even though we host a radio show available to 19 million subscribers across North America in numbers that swamp nearly all the rest of gay media"
Interesting point. However of those 19 million how many listen to OutQ? Or your show in particular?
I would say that you get on the Music channels, sports offerings, the Mad Dog idiot and Howard Stern train here a bit...wouldn't you say? Let's be honest, what are your daily tune in numbers? I would bet it's no where near 19 million or 1 million for that matter. Availble to doesn't mean they are tuning in. Nice try.
And isn't Logo available to over 50 million? That swamps Sirius in my mathematics.
It seems that you feel the right to complain. You do have that right. But it comes off unappreciative and vindictive.
Maybe the print media isn't impressed with your show. Just because it's there doesn't mean that everyone loves it or even listens to it. Satellite Radio remains in the outskirts of the public view. If you don't have it in your car you tend to not listen to it.
Wasn't Sirius about to go under a month ago?
After reading this...count this listener off your dedicated 19 million.
Gay media may not have thought what we were talking about was worth covering, but Access Hollywood did.
http://www.accesshollywood.com/derek-and-romaine-at-the-2009-glaad-media-awards_video_1080127
Derek:
I tune in every night and stay for 4 hours. I would never call although tempted sometimes. I just want you to know something you probably already know. You are the one and only star on OutQ. I never listen to Decaro but today I was there from 11AM until 2pm only because you were the draw. I'm not into you but you are much hotter locking that I imagined. I wish you had the Larry Flick spot or Decaro spot, I've given up nightly news for your show. P.S. Erik Rhodes is the dumbest person I ever heard on the radio.
Amen brother. As you know, I feel that your and Romaine's show is the most important voice in gay media today. Your perspectives, as always, remain intelligent, insightful and important. And more importantly, are always shared with the perfect balance of humor. Long Rule Derek & Romaine!!!!
Since you seem to want to continue to defend the stalker Paulus, I brought this over from another blog. Just a little FYI as to what your hero has been doing (every bit of it documented) since he sold his soul to the National Enquirer:
"And there has only ever been ONE person who came out publicly - I won't repeat the scumbag's name. By his own admission, he did it vindictively to try & destroy Clay's career because Clay did not want him as a boyfriend or even friend. And who could blame Clay, if there's even any truth to the story? The guy is an absolute wacko! He's been stalking Clay for over 3 years, showing up at his concerts claiming Clay is singing to him & inviting him to sit with Clay's mom, blogging, tweeting, emailing everyone about how Clay raped him (yeah, that's the new twist to his ever changing story), posting pictures of Clay's mother's home & church, complete with addresses urging people to picket her & send subscriptions to gay porn, posting the address of Clay's new home in Raleigh, waiting outside the gated community to try to get pictures of Clay going in with men, attacking Clay's partner of the past 1.5 years, scouring fansites for photos of underage Clay fans & then posting them & ridiculing their looks (children!), threatening to send false eye witness testimony to Family & Child Services in Raleigh to try to get Clay's son taken from him.... THIS is the kind of lowlife you are portraying as some kind of "victim." Please, Louise! Clay has never said or done anything against this freak, yet the sociopath continues to try to make Clay's life a living hell. He's only gone more ballistic since Clay's come out & been public with his dancer/model boyfriend. His latest ploy is attacking the mother of Clay's child, Clay's closest friend & colleague, as a prostitute."
If he ever completely hits bottom and does something to harm Aiken or his family, you can be very proud of yourself, along with Howard Stern & E!, for giving this creep a very vulgar public forum.
Derek, everyone. Hey! First post. I Had XM radio and recently discovered that OutQ Radio had crossed over from Sirius. Over the two weeks or so that I've had access, I've listened to programming morning, noon and night for awhile before deciding if I had anything of value to add. After linking to this blog from the Main page for Sirius/XM/OutQ I found this post one that interested me quite a bit. I stopped subscriptions to several gay magazines to which I had been a long-time subscriber because I was tired of reading about the "straight but not narrow" or "gay-friendly" celebs, models, actors, etc. who they chose to feature in their pages ad nauseum. I'm tired of this bunch! Where are the unsung heroes who helped get gay marriage passed in Iowa? The stories from the font lines about our brothers and sisters who are working to get our counterparts out of Iran before they're hanged for loving their own gender? What has happened to fight the spread of AIDS in the face of an ever-growing onslaught of barebacking sex among young gay men? These are the stories that need to be told. What is it like growing up in a town of less than 3,000 people and feel like you're the only gay person in existence? How does that isolated gay or lesbian teen find their lifeline so they know they're not alone? Does Tyra Banks need another award? I listened to the re-broadcast of the Laramie Project 10 Years Later, and was riveted. I drove around all afternoon to hear it all. This is programming worth hearing. Thanks D&R! These are the stories that shape our world and feed out soul.
You go Derek! One of the reasons I'll always keep my Sirius Satellite Radio is the very reason you wrote this rant....OutQ really does stuff to help the gay community. I'm sick of the fashion spreads in Out, The Advocate, etc. I'm sick of the awards that HRC and GLAAD seem to give out at the drop of a hat. How does that impact me? Hardly at all. OutQ does things like the Laramie Project, World Aids Day, Meth use in the gay community, advocacy in all it's forms is readily availably on SiriusXM's OutQ. Whether it's your show, Michelangelo Signorile, The Morning Jolt, The Frank DeCaro show, or the news at the top of each hour-you and your colleages each make your mark and give us a laugh along with a healthy dose of what's happening each and every day. This impacts my life and so many others much more than what the other gay media is doing. Hateful and bitter....yes, but calling a kettle black when it's black is never wrong.
Thanks for all you do Derek!
Bravo Derek. You are spot on, as usual. You & Romaine should be #1 on that stupid Out !00 list, as well as on the cover of The Advocate. Fucking poser piece of shit Clay Aikin.
I have been listening to Derek and Romaine for six years. They were the first show I ever found and this was way back when XM was the big dog and Sirius was just starting to get its feet. I speak as a Bisexual Man stuck in a very repressed town in West Virginia. I have to say the show gave me the courage to finally come out and has gave me a connection to people I would never have had the chance to get in touch with. I am 35 and I through this show have gained a better outlook in my own life. I know it seems like that is a huge order to fill for a very fun radio show. I think that to think the show does a discredit to the GLBT community and has no value is bullshit. There are many like myself who are stuck in the bowels of hell and have no outlet. What good does a bunch of magazines and so called "elite" of the so called top of the gay heap, have to show me. I am a DNR bitch for good and I try to get as many people to listen as possible. I am not stalking them of course. I know the difference that GM does not. Derek and Romaine have been ignored by GLAAD and other so called important gay media outlets. Madonna made a new record , or a straight celebrity gave some cash to them and wow here is your award. Derek lives his life openly and no apologies. I can only hope that could be possible for all in the community. Romaine has done very historical work and even worked at GLAAD. Yes the show is fun but the programming on Out Q serves a better picture as far as I can see and have read in certain magazines. By the way I used to sell these rags, so before you bitch get off it. Now for the whole closet celebrity phenom. Derek is 100% right. Sorry but if you are signing up for such a public job you cant bitch when you life is an open book and the damage you do by hiding who and what you are is important. The more we have people who legitimately come out can change the perception of being gay or whatever label you tie on yourself, the pubic at large can see. If I took a job cleaning toxic waste and my nose started falling off a week later, I have no right to bitch. So if you of your own free will signed up, you have to pay the piper. So if you dont want them in your private life sorry, do not be famous. You cant fuck and have your cake too. So bitch away Mr. Hartley, I agree with you all the way. It took them six years for them to notice you for the work you have done. Fuck em. You and Romaine know what you do is important. If you can sleep knowing that at night then you got it right. Thanks for everything, the laughs, the tear, oh yeah and the Clarisonic . love and light, JDinWV
I feel there is a legitimacy to your concerns. I don't relish joining the calling out of Clay, but I'd much rather see entertainment figures that have been true to their sexuality lauded. They make a sacrifice for truth in their lives and art and that is what I find admirable. My personal hero is musician Eric Himan who spent the years driving around in his van and brings an amazing perspective of being a gay man to his music. My challenge you you all is to find your gay artists and support them. Buy a CD or make the time to check out a performance in your town. Give them the support they need to continue creating and influencing the next generations of LGBT artists & entertainers
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